more like this, the dorkier the better.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter of a beer. Before the next one can order, the bartender says, "You're all assholes," and pours two beers.

A neutron walks into a bar. He orders a few drinks and passes the night away. When he's ready to leave he asks the bartender how much he owed, and the bartender said "For you, no charge".

two atoms are walkin down the street, the second one says "hold up i dropped an electron"
first one says "you sure?"
second one replies "IM POSITIVE"

So this neutrino walks through a bar...

The names bond. ionic bond. I like my electrons taken, not shared.

A proton walks into a Large Hadron Collider, and sees another proton, and OH SHI-

Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

Why won't Heisenbergs' operators live in the suburbs
They don't commute

The world's dead geniuses play hide and seek in heaven. Einstein goes over to a tree to count, while everyone scurry around to hide. In the meantime, Newton draws a 1 meter square with a stick and sits in the middle of it.
When Einstein finishes counting, he turns around and sees Newton in his square. "I've found you", he says. "No you didn't", Newton answers. "But you're right here in front of me!" Einstein says, puzzled. "Tell me, what do you see?" Newton asks. "I see you, Newton, sitting in a one meter square."
"And what is a Newton on a 1 meter square?"
"A pascal."
Newton grins.

Entropy just isn't what it used to be.

Two men are having a drinking contest.
"I'll have some H20". The bartender gives him a glass and he drinks it down.
"Give me some H2O too!. The bartender serves him. He drinks it down and dies.

Heisenberg is driving along the highway.
A cop pulls him over and asks "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?".
Heisenberg replies "No, but I know exactly where I was!".

There are 10 kinds of people, those who understand binary and those who don't.

An architect, an engineer, and a physicist are all hired by a farmer to help him design a fence. He tells them, "I want to enclose the largest area using the least amount of materials." The architect draws a square. The engineer draws a circle. The physicist takes the engineer's circle and writes "outside" on the inside.

If I could be any enzyme I wanted, I would be DNA helicase, so I could unzip your jeans.

A chemist, a physicist and a biologist are walking along the beach. The physicist stops, looks out at the ocean and says "I just have to understand the motion of the waves better" and walks into the sea and never returns. The biologist looks out to the sea and says "I just have to understand the sea creatures better" and walks out into the ocean and never returns. The chemist pulls out a notebook and writes "Physicist and biologist both soluble."

There was a young woman named Bright
Whose speed was much faster than light
she set out one day
in a relative way
and returned on the previous night.

Q: Two cats are on a roof, which one falls off first?
A: The one with the smallest µ

A trichinosis larva and a botfly maggot walk into a bar. The botfly maggot turns to the trichinosis larva and says "hey buddy, I heard you like pork." The trichonosis larva looks the the botfly maggot right in the spiracles and says "indeed, I encyst upon it."

Neon walked into a chemistry lab one night. Everything looked fine it thought, but then it heard something crying in the corner. Neon went to the corner where it found Iron crying. "What's the matter?" Neon asked. "Well," Iron said, "I just broke up with O2, and now I'm just in a transition period!"

An engineer, an experimental physicist, a theoretical physicist, and a philosopher are taking a walk through the Scottish highlands when they come across a black sheep. The engineer blurts out "hey look, the sheep in Scotland are black!" The experimental physicist turns to him and says "some of the sheep in Scotland are black." The theoretical physicist, looking bemused, chuckles and says "actually, at least one of the sheep in Scotland is black." The philosopher, who had been kneeling to examine a flower, looks up and says "on one side, anyway."

A small piece of ice which lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Bunsen! my flame! I melt whenever I see you" said the ice. The Bunsen burner replied :"It's just a phase you're going through".

A group of organic molecules were having a party, when a group of robbers broke into the room and stole all of the guest's joules. A tall, strong man, armed with a machine gun came into the room and killed the robbers one by one. The guests were very grateful to this man, and they wanted to know who he was. He replied: My name is BOND, Covalent Bond.

a mole walk into a bar. The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve moles here due to a beer law." Then the mole sais "Idiot. Beer's law applies to light!"

Schrodinger and Heisenberg are driving down the autobahn one day when they feel a bump under the car.
"I think you ran over a cat," says Heisenberg.
"Is it dead?" asks Schrodinger.
"I can't be certain," answers Heisenberg.

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So my laboratory just hired a molecular biologist.
Man, is he small!

buh dup bup ching.

forgot this one

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lol !!!

Why is it that two computer programs that are working perfectly well together are said to be passing "arguments"?

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Add this signature to your EMail:
Running Microsoft's "System Idle Process" will never help cure cancer, AIDS nor Alzheimer's. But running Rosetta@home just might!
https://boinc.bakerlab.org/rosetta/

Unix is user friendly. It's just very particular about who it's friends are.

Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis?
Because it is below C level.

Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
Because DEC 25 = OCT 31

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